Has been sick. Nuff said.
Ever decided on something and then midway you thought, "Hmm.. I obviously didn't think that through." Well, that is sort of how I feel right now about my life, in general... except I'm not really responsible for starting this life. So, what's the master plan now?
I wish I had one. Perhaps it is the result of a fundamental character flaw, the lack of foresight. But am I seriously expected to know what I want out of this? I know how to plan an experiment when I know what are the goals, even then we almost always get it wrong the first time. Something always go wrong, something else always happen. You only start to know what to expect after a few runs. So how do I plan this when I don't know what is the ultimate goal, and what to expect? Do you see why I might be puzzled?
I didn't really quite plan on getting to where I am today. To be honest I don't think I have much expectations growing up. No typical yearning for finding prince charming, no instinctive urge to have a family... nothing against it, I just never felt strongly for it (I have no idea why). Only thing that I sort of aimed for was "to be a useful human being"... and I really don't know what that means. Whoever taught me that really should have been more specific, not everyone can be superman.
It felt as if it has just started - I am just starting to know myself. The more I know the more I don't know. There is so much to learn, so many possibilities yet just as many limitations of where this can go. Strangely enough at the same time I felt as if I should have a plan by now, like I already have it all figured out. What's the solution if the brain can't quite understand itself? Perhaps all the right clues leading to the right answers are already there, it just refuses to process it. I wonder if it would all make sense one day.
We should really, meet over a bottle of good tequila, and talk about our hopes and dreams or the lack of it. Share stories of ppl who have let us down, ppl who made us held on to some faith, and laugh over the many ridiculous moments when we made a fool of ourselves. If we never figure it out at least we had a good time joking about it.
Ever decided on something and then midway you thought, "Hmm.. I obviously didn't think that through." Well, that is sort of how I feel right now about my life, in general... except I'm not really responsible for starting this life. So, what's the master plan now?
I wish I had one. Perhaps it is the result of a fundamental character flaw, the lack of foresight. But am I seriously expected to know what I want out of this? I know how to plan an experiment when I know what are the goals, even then we almost always get it wrong the first time. Something always go wrong, something else always happen. You only start to know what to expect after a few runs. So how do I plan this when I don't know what is the ultimate goal, and what to expect? Do you see why I might be puzzled?
I didn't really quite plan on getting to where I am today. To be honest I don't think I have much expectations growing up. No typical yearning for finding prince charming, no instinctive urge to have a family... nothing against it, I just never felt strongly for it (I have no idea why). Only thing that I sort of aimed for was "to be a useful human being"... and I really don't know what that means. Whoever taught me that really should have been more specific, not everyone can be superman.
It felt as if it has just started - I am just starting to know myself. The more I know the more I don't know. There is so much to learn, so many possibilities yet just as many limitations of where this can go. Strangely enough at the same time I felt as if I should have a plan by now, like I already have it all figured out. What's the solution if the brain can't quite understand itself? Perhaps all the right clues leading to the right answers are already there, it just refuses to process it. I wonder if it would all make sense one day.
We should really, meet over a bottle of good tequila, and talk about our hopes and dreams or the lack of it. Share stories of ppl who have let us down, ppl who made us held on to some faith, and laugh over the many ridiculous moments when we made a fool of ourselves. If we never figure it out at least we had a good time joking about it.
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