It happened almost instantaneously. The moment I sent the email off, it was as if the ball was back to their court and I suddenly felt insecure. I told M, I have this nagging worry that they will suddenly decided they don't want me anyway. Or they will tell tomorrow me it's just a very elaborate, bad, joke. Or, they would say they already found someone else who can start immediately so me and my priorities can live happily after in lala land. I guess that means I really do want it.

But it feels so weird. I guess I have a job. That's what I tell ppl on the floor when they ask about it. You don't sound too excited, they'd say. It's not that, I just feel weird. Is it because it'd be a big change? No... not so much. I don't really know why... it's far enough that I'll lose all my social network here, but close enough that it's more hassle than exciting. It's like moving to another Edmonton, but without all the ppl I know. So in that sense it's more because it's not a big enough change. Maybe it's because I've been looking for almost 2 years, and then within a week it happened... and not at all at a location or a work that I expected. That didn't make sense, does it? Of course it would happen fast... I don't know, I can't tell you why everyone seemed to be more excited than me about the news. It was almost like when I graduated... the most exciting part was the anticipation. Once I was there it just felt relatively anti-climatic and I found myself asking, "Now what?" Reality is a party pooper.