Sigh. Seriously, if you have a sister who is frustrated with job hunting and you have decided to send one email, and one email only to her during xmas, would you really email her an article titled, "The disposable academic: why doing a phd is a waste of time" with an email title "interesting article"? Really? Like really? Do we have to be reintroduced? Hi, I am LS, you must be AH?

I have no idea what was the intention but I am 70% annoyed, 20% amused and 10% curious. It might have been much funnier if joking instead of arguing was all we were doing last few times we talked. Seriously, why is he being so... I don't even know the word. I would have said insensitive but he has always been more sensitive than me. So I can't really comprehend. It reminds me of the twitter turned show "Sh#t my dad says". It is slightly funny in a "What??" kinda way. You know, the same kind of funny when someone said to another person's face that his haircut was ugly. Then the same kind of annoyance that begs the question, "What is your problem?"

Goodness. Happy holidays to you too. Someone find that man a gf or another job and hopefully he'd become reasonable again. Else one of these days day I won't be able to stop myself from saying he needs to get laid, just to return the favour.

"Funny thing about decisions. You don't have to talk yourself into making the right one."

Funny thing about watching TV, you can always find something that works for whatever dilemma you are experiencing at the time. Sort of like listening to love songs after a break-up. At least that's what I was told about love songs.

I was rodent proving my apartment while I heard that on TV - plugging holes around the heating vents with steel wool. Which is a lot of fun by the way, sticking your fingers into dark holes that promise mice droppings and all that good stuff. I don't know why the whole world don't jump at doing something like that.

Anyway, as wise as it sounds, I don't know if I can trust a decision if it hasn't been over analyzed. I was not brought up to be spontaneous, nor am I one that has so much confidence with her own instinct that she is willing to risk reasoning, despite the fact that over the years I've learn to give it a lot more weight in decision making. Retrospectively they always make sense. Maybe it's like trouble shooting during an experiment - the experienced ones can always spot it right away, the less experienced ones know 'something's not right', the newbies can't really tell what's going on. You get better eventually.

I told the guys it might boil down to how much they are willing to pay me for this job. It's not a job I would actively pursue, but it somehow found its way to me. I said no one year ago but it came back again. I candidly said it's like having a very persistent rich guy, whom you don't care much for, proposing to you at a point you are tired of waiting for your one true love to reciprocate. There's no right and wrong answer, just what you want to get out of it. Are you taking advantage of a new opportunity, or are you giving up?

If I can have one wish before the big 3 (yes, how dramatic) it is the ability to see myself clearly. And not have to look at a mouse hopelessly as it froze and stared back at me when I wasn't even awake enough to open my eyes properly.